In the beginning there was nothing. And then God said, “Let him discover Heavy Metal Magazine.”
Let me tell you a story.
Creatively, I was a fucked up kid. I liked morbid humor. I enjoyed R rated movies. I liked cartoons that said things like damn, shit, and hell! I had a twisted imagination. My first favorite movies were Terminator 2, and Aliens. And when I drew things, my teachers thought I needed a preacher. But I was fine. I wasn’t crazy. Not really. I was developing a narrative. Granted, being a well adjusted, unsuspecting adult not familiar with my taste in entertainment might have looked at one of my illustrations featuring a horned demon springing out the bloody guts of a screaming victim as quite odd. They probably thought I went home and tortured rodents I found in the back yard or something. But nope. I loved animals. I even loved bugs. I would never hurt any of them… well, maybe flys and wasps. I hate those fuckers. When I was a kid there wasn’t much media out there that supported my way of drawing and writing. There was either books like the ones by Stephen king, or there was ninja turtles and Disney for the kids. Which I did enjoy, but I grew out of that eventually. As I got older, I wanted more. I wanted to combine the stark worlds I saw in my favorite R rated movies and their more serious narratives in my cartoon illustrations. I didn’t see anyone else doing it at the time. I didn’t know about anime. That didn’t really get popular yet in the states.
Then came things like Liquid Television on MTV which featured Aeon Flux (a huge inspiration in my life), and then came Spawn the mother fucking animated series. That cartoon changed my life. I suddenly knew that there were other creators out there that wanted the same thing I did. That cartoon brought me to discover the comic book series based on its titular character. I devoured them. First time I ever got into comics. Before Spawn and Image, I thought there was only superheroes. Which were fine. I liked the X-Men cartoon. But it wasn’t as raw and bloody as Spawn was.
I remember this one time I was milling about a comic book store with my mom who loved the Ascension comics made by Image and Top Cow as well. That’s when I noticed this sexy figure posing suggestively on the cover of a magazine high up on the shelf. It was hidden behind a couple others, as if it was too incongruous in such a place to be displayed front and center. I thought that was strange because out of all the other art magazines accompanying it, this one had the best art on its cover. I pulled it down. They had it in plastic so I couldn’t skim through it. But I saw the salacious character drenched in blood and I knew I wanted it. I showed my mom. She laughed. She told me that they’ve been around forever. That they had a cartoon back in the 80s. I asked if I could get it. She shrugged and said, “you’re old enough.” She bought it for me. I couldn’t wait to see what the plastic wrap was hiding from me.
When I finally did, I was not disappointed. It was a beautifully crafted magazine, filled with the most amazing art I have ever laid eyes on, and packed with various stories written by different authors from all around the world. It was like Creepshow for fantasy. Like the Twilight Zone for artists. It was gorgeous. It was my first introduction to the idea of anthologies. But as far as I could tell there were no guardrails on subject matter. There was no singular theme. Just the best illustrators and authors in the game doing their thing. No restrictions, no limits. Uncensored. Bloody, sexy. With tales about corruption, betrayal, distant worlds, and monsters. Stories that scared. Stories that moved. Vengeance, hate, lust, love, passion. Real stories. Stories that sparked all the carnal fires that roil inside the hearth of the human spirit. And art that killed.
This wasn’t just some bawdy smut magazine. This thing was put together by people that really love this stuff. I wanted to be a part of it.
I spent years trying to write with one thought on my mind: how do I get my story in Heavy Metal Magazine. I spent too many years trying. Lots of false starts. I won’t lie to you, it wasn’t going too well.
I was writing more than I was drawing. And that still wasn’t enough. I kept starting, and breaking down on the side of the highway. I tried science fiction. I tried fantasy. I even tried romance for a stint. But the problem was that I never tried hard enough in either genre. I kept getting distracted. When I wrote, I did nothing else but write. No drawing. Just hammering out words, and plots, and schemes, and twists that eventually went nowhere. I lost interest. I lost my drive. I went two years not doing anything. Forgot the reason I was even trying. Went from wanting to be an adult comic book creator, to wanting to be an author only. To watching all these damn superhero movies come out and inundate entertainment with candy-coated, repetitive bullshit, and all these streaming services eclipse physical media. To the pandemic allowing movie theaters to shut down, and a third-party mailing/delivering company to dominate over everything. That guy got to go to space while the rest of us were imprisoned in our homes not giving a fuck about anything anymore. I was uninspired. Uninterested. Broken.
And then, I had a nightmare.
That nightmare was fascinating to me. It had a plot. A fully realized beginning, middle, and conclusion. It got me writing again. It got me returning to some of my past work. I picked back up on a project I had started in 2014. I cleaned it up. I polished it. I started illustrating it. It became my obsession again.
Now I’m well on my way to making that adult comic book I’ve always wanted to. I am currently four pages in, and going strong.
Meanwhile, I discovered that Heavy Metal Magazine began a Kickstarter campaign. Thought that was interesting. Haven’t thought about that magazine in a while. Last I heard it even mentioned was when Tim Miller talked about it in an interview about his show, Love Death and Robots on Netflix. No doubt, by way of his coproducer David Fincher. He said he was inspired by Heavy Metal Magazine. Which was all I needed to hear to want to watch that show. So, I looked up the company. I was curious to see what they’ve been up to. What I learned devastated me. Disturbed me even. Something as influential to artists as Heavy Metal Magazine had fallen into some hard times since the pandemic. They had issued their last physical copy back in April of 2023. Which by chance, I actually bought. I saw it at a bookstore and grabbed it for nostalgic reasons. Didn’t think much of it. Just a casual, spontaneous purchase. I didn’t know at the time that it was the last one they would produce. It broke my heart. This thing inspired so many artists for so many years, and now they were on the chopping block like Blockbuster video, and Toys’R’Us before it.
It shouldn’t be.
It can’t be.
This one is too important.
So I was gladdened to learn that their new kickstarter is designed to revive the magazine. I couldn’t contribute much, but I backed the project. It feels like destiny. Like divine providence. It reminded me how much I adore that magazine. How much I got from it growing up. How significant it is to artists abroad.
If you are reading this, and if you can, please support Heavy Metal Magazine. Go to their website. Check out their Kickstarter. They got a lot of cool stuff to give back. Especially if you are an artist. You won’t be disappointed. Help save an American icon. A national treasure. And get inspired again.
Visit them at their website or any one of their social media profiles on Facebook, twitter, thread, and instagram!
Thank you for reading.
Happy holidays!
Keep drawing!
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